Birthday Gifts

Birthday gifts is what got my goat today. This horrid two-word phrase has bestowed me with nothing but grief, annoyance, guilt and a great abundance of awkward moments. Whether it is for someone close or a distant friend - the price range, creativity, usefulness, size, wrapping and even colour of the present all have to be considered. Too expensive? You'll be trying to hard. Too cheap? Don't be a tight-ass. Too big? You'll be the one carrying it to the party. Too small? Just make sure you don't lose it. What's a good colour? How about Black? or white? or green? or indigo? or terracotta? or atomic Tangerine? or auroMetalSaurous? (it's a real colour, look it up)

It's not only the actual gifts that trouble me. There are times when the whole concept of birthday gifts are just so pointless beyond comprehension. For instance, it's quite hard to imagine a man getting all jittery and excited about what presents he will get when he turns 56 tomorrow.

"Hey I hope you have enjoyed your 56 years worth of living, not long to go! Here's some of Gucci's finest cologne to celebrate...no no I'm not saying you smell bad, and I'm not saying old people smell - not that you're old...never mind, just enjoy your cologne"

How something so joyful as birthday gifts turned out to be such a troubling burden is a mystery.

Got my goat?